Love

Love, I've heard it's the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. I believe love is what keeps us going, what keeps our heads up, it's the reason we wake up in the morning, its the reason why falling asleep can be so challenging. Love is what makes us who we are, it helps in defining us. Love is sacrifice, love makes the sacrifices, well not really sacrifices. And love is complicated, love is getting through the challenges and making the good times completely worthwhile.

My host mom, Marta, asked me seriously one day, "If you could go back to America once or twice a year to visit your family, would you stay in Spain forever?" Of course I would. 

First of all, Applying for these ten months abroad is by far the best decision I have ever made. I am not always the most responsible person, nor do I always make the right choices. There have been a lot of times in my life that now looking back, all i can do is think "What the hell was I doing?". And I'm not saying by the end of this, I am going to be the perfect sixteen year old student, daughter, friend, or person. But I know that after this experience, I will be more of the person that I strive so hard to be, and truly that is all I can hope for. Knowing that after this, I can look back proudly and say "Yes, I did that".

Since I've been in Spain I have found that the easiest part of my day is waking up. To wake in Spain, everyday for ten months. I don't know if anyone in the world could say that they were luckier. Everyday I get to experience new things, whether it be new words, new people, new foods, or a new culture. I get to look back on everyday and know that something has been accomplished. And maybe that is why falling asleep has become one of the hardest parts. It is only for a few hours, but saying goodnight to everything my world currently has to offer, it seems impossible. 

Spain has shaped me to be who I am, and it will for the rest of my life. This experience is forty percent over, but six months from now when I'm walking off that plane, that is when this will truly all begin. It will be less of what I did that year, and more of what I took away from it. It isn't about all of the cities I had traveled too, or even about all of the friends that I had made. It will be about the lessons that I learned, and how I implemented them into my normal life. Even though I wish I could live in Spain forever, my life is in Virginia, my senior year still awaits upon my arrival six months from now. I live in Virginia, but there will always be a home for Spain in my heart. Because not only has Spain defined me, but it will inspire me everyday for the rest of my life. What I feel everyday, is what I hope my days continue to be like for the rest of my life. These past four months have made me realize why living every day like it was your last is so important. 

To be sitting here in Valladolid, I sacrificed one of my last years at home with my family, I'm missing out on my sisters first year in high school, I've lost my chance at improving in each of my sports, I have possibly sacrificed my ability to graduate on time, I left my best friends not knowing what the future holds in each relationship, I threw my self into something ridiculous, that not many will ever understand, but I did it because it was right for me. No one will gain as much from the experience, as I will. The sacrifices, are exactly what they are, sacrifices. But no one told me I had to put any of that on the line, I could have just as easily spent my year in Virginia, excelling at Rugby, Cheerleading, and Field Hockey, sitting in the same booth at lunch with my best friends week after week, and ultimately I could have had a great normal high school experience. But I craved more, I craved different, and what I got was a thousand times better. To be sitting here in Valladolid, is to be living my dream. And when your living your dream, the sacrifices mean absolutely nothing.

Now the most important, but by far the hardest part of loving is letting go. Letting go of what may be the best thing in your life, what may define you, what you may have sacrificed everything for, that is the true challenge of love. If you haven't already realized I am not talking about love between two people, but between me and my love for Spain. At the end of ten months, I will be forced to let go of it all, and return back to my reality. The past four months, I have found myself completely inspired, willing to step out of my comfort zone, encounter love in a new family, new friends, a new language, and well it took me sixteen years to finally start becoming me. The change of scenery helped, but soon I will be going back to where I came from, letting it all go, and by no means does that say that I have to let myself go. It doesn't mean I have to lose everything that I have gained. Truthfully, I am terrified to return, knowing nothing will be the same, because I won't be the same. I hope more than anything that when the suitcases are packed, and the goodbyes have been said that I end up bringing this new version of myself home with me.

So here's to a new year, a new love, and a new Megg. 

Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year! 

Awkward

Sometimes the word awkward seems to just sum up my life here in Spain. Because being an exchange student means my life is just full of embarrassing, and hilarious moments, and It's become inevitable. I've learned that the best way to handle it all is to just embrace it.

That awkward moment when...

you fall down the stairs on your third day of school, in front of everyone.

the Spaniards here know more about America then you do.

everyone thinks your life is straight out of high school musical. wait, it is.

you realize spanish food is not mexican food, and no one here knows what a quesadilla is.

you walk in a strike, chanting and such, with absolutely no clue what they are actually protesting.

if you don't work hard in gym... you're weird. i feel like I'm training for the olympics in gym class.

your english teacher is wrong.

I help the kid next to me with english homework, and he teaches me bad words in Spanish.

the coolest app in spain right now is a piece of poop that eats, sleeps, and dies. 

you think dog shampoo... is human shampoo. and you use it. 

But at the same time, there have been extremely rewarding moments, that help me stay sane after a few million awkward ones.

like as the holiday season is beginning, I'm starting to realize that it isn't the actual holidays that I always loved so much. It was the company of friends and family that always made it so special.

For example, I sat at the table for lunch on thanksgiving, eating my food sadly. You know like stabbing your food and then biting it really loudly, I was definitely making a scene. And after an extremely regular Thursday at school, I was almost over the edge. And to make it even worse, I had english class that day. My teacher, Ana, was explaining the importance of Thanksgiving. That to me, It is more than a time to get together and eat, It's a holiday centered around family, and how being away from mine on a day like this must be especially difficult. Well, as I was dramatically eating my peas, my sister turns to my mom and goes "Megg is really sad today, because she won't be able to spend Thanksgiving at home with her family." In that moment, the tears start to fall. My sisters hug me, and my mom holds my hand. She promises me that she will find a turkey somewhere in Valladolid, and we will celebrate the way I normally do. I completely appreciated that, and it sounded perfect, until a minute later when I realized I couldn't remember any of the foods that we normally eat at Thanksgiving, and I definitely didn't know how to cook a turkey. It wasn't about recreating the traditions though, or even about eating a turkey. It was about family. Spending one day, one meal with the people you love, and just reflecting on all of the things in your life you have to be thankful for. 

Or the moment when I realized that there is more to life than America. I love America, and I am so proud to be from such a great country. But a lot of times we forget about the world around us. Yes, English is known worldwide, but that doesn't mean we can't learn a few extra languages. I was so surprised when I first arrived in Spain. They know all the words to all the popular American songs, and even all the famous actors in all the American movies. Also, when someone notices I'm from America, more times than not, they come up to me and introduce themselves, sometimes even in English. When I first got here, I didn't know any Spanish songs, nor any Spanish movies. And in America, if I hear someone speaking another language, it almost gives me more reason not to go up to them. And people here know whats going on in America. They are aware of the world, something I can say that I was not when I arrived. I didn't even watch the news. Now when I hear that something is happening in this or that part of the world, it has more significance to me. I might know someone who lives there, and overall I have a care for the world that three months ago did not exist. There is more to the world than America, so much more. 

Then there was the day when a friend said "Sometimes I forget I'm talking to an American, I just think of you as another Spaniard." Probably the compliment of the century. I know she was exaggerating, obviously I am not a Spaniard, nor will I ever be one. But to know that I am getting closer and closer everyday, closer to my final goal of speaking fluently, or to know that people are noticing that I actually am learning, I feel accomplished. It makes the sacrifices I made, worth it. More than worth it, it makes them disappear. Because I can tell you that I want to be fluent in Spanish way more than I want to be home. It's hard to track your language skills, because it isn't like you take a test every night before you go to bed. It's just a process, and the little compliments let's me know I'm on the right track! 

I am thankful for the awkward moments, along with the fulfilling moments. Getting through the uncomfortable times have led me to the rewarding ones, and they've helped me grow along the way. I'm thankful for the people that have helped me through the past three months, and the people that have helped me for the past sixteen years. I'm thankful for the country I'm from, and the new country that I've grown to love. More than anything I'm thankful to be where I am, and thankful for the place and people I will come home to in seven months.

Feliz Dia de Accion de Gracias!

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all (sorry it's a little late!)

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."

Journal entry from July 20, 2012:

  "I can tell you confidently, that I am not and never will be the person I was a year ago. But I can also tell you that a year from now I wont be the person I am today. Who knows where life will take me, who I will meet, who will be lost along the way, what I will have accomplished, or what I may regret. Today is my sixteenth birthday, and as of right now, at 4:25 in the morning I am feeling on top of the world. I have a year of new memories, new friends, and a new culture to look forward too. I have a chance to have the best of both worlds, a chance to move and begin with a clean slate, without losing what has now become my old life. This is the year I have been waiting for my entire life, and I know it will be unlike any other experience thus far. Unlike the past 15 years, where I have let my life live me, I will begin to live my life, fully. I will enjoy every second of every minute of my year abroad in Spain, I will soak in the laughter, and treasure every moment. I have so much to learn, and maybe that’s just it. I have spent the last 15 years acting like I know everything there is to know, and that is obviously not the case. I will open my mind and heart, to all the possibilities, all the ideas that I so quickly shut my door on. I let opportunities pass by, people walk away, and the moments slip, without thinking how it could impact my future, solely thinking with the past and present in mind. I lived with regrets, which burdened me constantly, as I was so often filled with remorse. I will forgive, because life is too short to let that weigh you down. I will move on, and remember that the past is the past, and the only thing we can control is the future. And finally, I will be happy. I have the rest of my life ahead of me; there is nothing more to ask for. So here’s to another year, a new adventure, a new beginning. "

I often find myself looking back on this journal entry that I wrote just about two months before I left. I remember the morning, I wrote it not knowing what the future held, yet with an open mind. The way I felt in that moment, knowing I was on the verge of living my dream. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, but at the same time I had no idea where I would end up. The only thing I knew for sure was that I could do it. These past two months have been unbelievably confusing, exciting, awkward, amazing, but more than anything unforgettable. And there have been more times than not where I have not been sure of myself. But looking back on this one moment helps me remember how and why I am doing this. No one said following your dreams was easy, but they did say it was worth it. I wrote this laying in my bed in America, dreaming of everything and anything possible. Now four months later, and I'm living it.

Home is Where the Heart is

I have begun to realize that home means so much more than where you sleep at night. Home is a place where you are surrounded by people that love you, a place that you are always happy to come back to. Home is where the heart is, and I'm lucky enough to have two places that I will always call home. I could never have imagined feeling this comfortable, and in such a short time. One month with Marta, Alba, and Irene, and I am one hundred percent a part of this family.

And school, while being extremely difficult, I secretly look forward to it. Since the first day, everyone has been nothing but nice to me. Everyone is always so willing to help, to share notes, to correct my Spanish, and to just be really friendly. Today in English we had an oral exam, where we had to stand up in front of the class and talk for a minute. I realized that the girl who sits next to me in class, the one I talk to non-stop everyday is practically fluent in English. I could tell as she was speaking how much she genuinely loved the language. Yet for the past four weeks, she has continually spoken to me in Spanish. Because she knows how important it is for me to learn, and speak with native speakers.

When was the last time you befriended the new kid? I honestly couldn't tell you the last time that I did. And now being in that position, I understand. I understand how hard the first day is, how hard everyday is. Because after a few weeks, even when you still feel new, you start to become part of the crowd. Well, I immediately became part of the class. From the beginning, I felt completely integrated. And I might always be "La Americana", but at least I am that American... with friends.

I guess I realized that you can create friendships no matter where you are, no matter what language you speak, and it isn't that hard. It simply takes a "how are you doing today?" or a "I'll see you tomorrow." And my new friends and family have done so much more than that. I no longer look forward to seeing my friends pictures from the weekend on Facebook, or hearing the latest Alexandria gossip. I no longer feel like I'm missing out on life, because look at what I have right in front of me. I am living my dream, and while I'm at it I am surrounded by people that care about me.

Today I realized that when I think of home, I think of Valladolid.

Halloween Weekend

I woke up Wednesday morning, went through my usual routine, and it wasn't until I was half way to school on the bus when I realized it was Halloween.

It was Halloween, and I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. 

To cheer me up I started to draw a pumpkin with "Happy Halloween!" across the top of my page, and I was finished before the beginning of second period. My classmates saw my stupid drawing and started asking me questions about Halloween in the US, and as a result they started to tell me about Halloween in Spain. First of all, I am really glad they did because the outfit I had planned for the night, was not at all appropriate. I was going for the typical lazy American girl costume when I chose to be a cat. All black with ears. Easy. Apparently everyone in Spain goes for the scary costumes, a tradition that the youth of America for the most part let slip. I can't remember one Halloween where I was actually something scary. Lets see... Mermaid, Rock star, Rock star, Rock star, Rock star, Avril Lavigne, Tooth fairy, Chicken Burrito, and a Devil. That just about sums up the past nine Halloweens. 

So I got home, then Paige and I went out and got some vampire teeth and fake blood. After Paige applied the blood to my face, we were both thinking "We definitely put too much on", so of course Paige didn't put on any at all. Then we went out to the center to meet some of my friends from class, and we realized we were so out of place. 98% of Valladolid was completely covered in fake blood, scars, masks, etc. It was unbelievable. 

Sandra and I

Then on Thursday, there was the AFS Halloween party. It was exactly what I needed... some pumpkin carving, homemade pizzas, and a night with my best friends. It was only the students and volunteers from the Castilla chapter, but we had a great time! Then we all got our makeup done by Jimena (Paige's liaison), and went down to the center. This time it was the complete opposite, I guess we got a little to excited and in the midst of it all, we forgot that it was Thursday... not Halloween. But we live in Spain, where the fiesta never ends... so it wasn't a big deal. 

Esther and I 

Jimena, Utku, and Esther

ESTHER, you go girl!

Pumpkin carving!!!

A for Effort?

The group!

Manuel, Diego, Me, Lani, Esther, Luca, Paige, Utku, and Irene

And at the end of Sunday, after a four day break, I had a realization. I realized that my life here will not always be exactly similar to my life in America. But that is completely okay, I didn't choose Spain because it was America across the ocean. I chose Spain because of the culture, because of the language, because in reality it is so much different. I came to learn a new culture, language, and country, one that is no better or worse than my own, just different.

Lani, Paige, Me, and Esther

In the end, Halloween weekend may have just ended up being my best weekend here. 

Conectando Vidas, Compartiendo Culturas

I have been staring at this blank blogger page for the past week and a half. I guess it is true what they say about blogging, it only gets harder and harder as the time goes on. But that is no excuse, because I know in the end I will be so glad that I will be able to look back on all of these great moments.

Now for one of my many highlights of October, the AFS orientation.

Almost all of the girls! (From Iceland, Germany, California,
Pennsylvania, Ohio, Delaware, Hungary,
Switzerland, Denmark, France, China, and more!)

I wish I could get across the extent of what a great weekend it was, but it was beyond anything that I could ever express in a blog post. Sitting at a dinner table with friends from all over the world, all with the same mentality, the same final goal in mind, it was incredible. We all were there to learn a new culture, to experience new things. And while we all came from different countries, different lifestyles, we are all united. And that bond will last forever. We are all sacrificing so much to be where we are, and everyday while every moment is so worth it, every moment is a struggle. And to know that I have 90 other people who understand exactly what I'm going through, people that will be there for me from the beginning to the end. That gives me all the hope and willingness to persevere. 

Esther and Paige finishing of my goldfish on the train

The four Valladolid kids (Paige, Esther, Clement, and I) boarded the train around 6, and were in Ponferrada by 10. We were picked up at the train station by a volunteer and taken to the camp site. It was a closed off site with about twenty cabins. When the Valladolid kids finally got settled in, we went in search of our friends from surrounding cities and provinces. This orientation was for the kids in Asturias, Galicia, and Castilla y Leon. We swung a door open to find all 30 of our friends crammed in one room talking and listening to music. That was such a great moment, the friends we had left at the train station just two short months before, were now sitting right in front of us. I was latched on to Amy for at least 20 minutes, oh how I missed these people! And of course since we had to catch up with every single person there, we didn't end up going to sleep until 5am. 

Luca (Hungarian) and I

Milena, Lani, Paige, Esther, Luca, and I

Clement (Belgian) and I

We were woken up around 9, and we all headed to breakfast. Of course every meal that was prepared was delicious... because we are in Spain! After that we did a series of activities that would help us evaluate our individual experiences thus far. We drew our own emotional curve, and I was surprised that once I had thought about it, my lowest points had been in the beginning, and I was now on an extreme up rise! Then there was another activity where we had a few sentence starters (ex. I want..., I need..., I hope...) and we had to finish them. Here are a few examples of my final sentences.

I want... JAMON (Ham).

I need... to stop skyping my family and friends so much.

I hope... I will be fluent in Spanish by the end.

Martha and I writing our letters

And then after another very late night, we woke up Sunday morning for one last activity. An activity where we had to write a letter to our future selves, one that we will receive at the end of our ten months. I began my letter (Dear Megg...) and after that I just stared at the blank page for a while. How do you even begin to explain what you've been through, what you hope everything turns out to be like, and how you think you will be effected as a person in the end. For me, that was the hardest part of the entire weekend. I guess you can say I'm scared. Scared of the future, I guess we all are. But to know that my new self, a better version of myself awaits, and will be found within the next eight months. It is all exciting, terrifying, and overall just emotional. In the end, I sealed the envelope with a textbook inside. once I started writing, I couldn't stop!

I guess the future awaits for all of us. Time goes on for all of us. We just have to remember to take advantage of the time we have in the present, to make sure that the future becomes all that we've hoped it will be. 

And enjoying the present is exactly what we did that weekend, I love my AFS friends from all around the world, individually they have each taught me so much, and as a whole they have helped me get through the hardest of times. Because "connecting lives by sharing cultures" is what AFS stands for.

my sassy best friends, love you guys!

I got to see Aitor again, miss you already!

Strikes, Bull Fights, and My New Family

My first two weeks in Valladolid have been perfect. Last week I witnessed a student strike, which ended up not being at all what I expected. In America, the only thing we could ever fight for is better cafeteria food and shorter days. Nothing of actual importance. I was honestly very impressed with the student strikes. All across Spain, students are fighting for their rights, protesting against the government, because apparently there were education cuts made. I don't know the exact gist of things, but I do know that the spanish youth population was very enthusiastic about it all. We have already had 3 strike days in the past two weeks. And for the most part, the schools support it because it isn't the school the students are fighting, it is the government. It all has to do with the crisis, meaning this year there will be more strikes than normal. I heard a rumor that every Thursday until Christmas is a strike day? I love how this just happens in Spain, I could NEVER imagine this being possible in the US. 

fighting for my rights?

"If the government doesn't listen, then the students will rebel!"

Paige and I

 Last weekend, I spent the night at Paige's house. That night, we ate pizza and watched Gossip Girl in spanish. The next morning we were on our way to what we thought was a bull fight. We went with her sister, and when she first told us the details we had imagined a bull fight/festival kind of thing. All we knew for certain was that we were taking a bus here and there. Well when the bus picked us up, to our surprise it was a rented mini bus with all of her sisters friends. The "bull fighting ring" was actually a small sandy patch in the middle of nowhere, and the "bulls" were small cows. The day ended up being better than either of us had expected. We unloaded the bus, and then the boys started the barbecue. The lunch was fantastic, way better than any of my friends in the US could have put together! Then the "fights" began. Even though there was no hurting or killing of the bulls. In reality, more people were hurt in the ring, than bulls!

Paige and Laura (sisters) 

Laura (Paige's sister) and I

Why is Paige on a horse led by an eight year old?

my new dog!

I have been in Spain for six weeks and it had not rained at all up until this Tuesday. There has been non-stop rain ever since! Now don't let that fool you though, my mood does not reflect the weather one bit! I am proud to finally announce that I am living with my new family in Arroyo de la Encomienda. Arroyo is a very small pueblo RIGHT outside of Valladolid. And I feel like I have the best of both worlds, the peace and quiet of a small town, but because Valladolid is right around the corner (literally), there are always things to do. Also, Paige and Esther (AFS students) both live in Arroyo too! It is perfect, and my family is really really great! I have two sisters Irene (15) and Alba (18), and my mom's name is Marta. I am still getting to know my new family, but I already feel like I fit in really well. And my room is amazing, I have the loft all to myself!

Valladolid!

I officially start school on Monday, now that all of the paperwork is finally done! I can finally get back into a normal schedule, which I am beyond excited about! Normal is exactly what I need. And this weekend I will be in Ponferrada for an AFS Orientation, which I have been looking forward too since the day I left Madrid back in September. All four AFS students in Valladolid (Paige, Esther, Clement, and I) will be taking the train there and back (Friday-Sunday), and I am sure I will have another long blog post dedicated to this coming weekend!

For everyone in Alexandria, I am extremely jealous that it is spirit week, and today you are having the pep rally, and tomorrow... Homecoming. I can't believe this will be the first time I've ever missed a school dance. But I know you will all look beautiful, and you will have such a great time!

Hasta pronto!