"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."

Journal entry from July 20, 2012:

  "I can tell you confidently, that I am not and never will be the person I was a year ago. But I can also tell you that a year from now I wont be the person I am today. Who knows where life will take me, who I will meet, who will be lost along the way, what I will have accomplished, or what I may regret. Today is my sixteenth birthday, and as of right now, at 4:25 in the morning I am feeling on top of the world. I have a year of new memories, new friends, and a new culture to look forward too. I have a chance to have the best of both worlds, a chance to move and begin with a clean slate, without losing what has now become my old life. This is the year I have been waiting for my entire life, and I know it will be unlike any other experience thus far. Unlike the past 15 years, where I have let my life live me, I will begin to live my life, fully. I will enjoy every second of every minute of my year abroad in Spain, I will soak in the laughter, and treasure every moment. I have so much to learn, and maybe that’s just it. I have spent the last 15 years acting like I know everything there is to know, and that is obviously not the case. I will open my mind and heart, to all the possibilities, all the ideas that I so quickly shut my door on. I let opportunities pass by, people walk away, and the moments slip, without thinking how it could impact my future, solely thinking with the past and present in mind. I lived with regrets, which burdened me constantly, as I was so often filled with remorse. I will forgive, because life is too short to let that weigh you down. I will move on, and remember that the past is the past, and the only thing we can control is the future. And finally, I will be happy. I have the rest of my life ahead of me; there is nothing more to ask for. So here’s to another year, a new adventure, a new beginning. "

I often find myself looking back on this journal entry that I wrote just about two months before I left. I remember the morning, I wrote it not knowing what the future held, yet with an open mind. The way I felt in that moment, knowing I was on the verge of living my dream. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, but at the same time I had no idea where I would end up. The only thing I knew for sure was that I could do it. These past two months have been unbelievably confusing, exciting, awkward, amazing, but more than anything unforgettable. And there have been more times than not where I have not been sure of myself. But looking back on this one moment helps me remember how and why I am doing this. No one said following your dreams was easy, but they did say it was worth it. I wrote this laying in my bed in America, dreaming of everything and anything possible. Now four months later, and I'm living it.

Home is Where the Heart is

I have begun to realize that home means so much more than where you sleep at night. Home is a place where you are surrounded by people that love you, a place that you are always happy to come back to. Home is where the heart is, and I'm lucky enough to have two places that I will always call home. I could never have imagined feeling this comfortable, and in such a short time. One month with Marta, Alba, and Irene, and I am one hundred percent a part of this family.

And school, while being extremely difficult, I secretly look forward to it. Since the first day, everyone has been nothing but nice to me. Everyone is always so willing to help, to share notes, to correct my Spanish, and to just be really friendly. Today in English we had an oral exam, where we had to stand up in front of the class and talk for a minute. I realized that the girl who sits next to me in class, the one I talk to non-stop everyday is practically fluent in English. I could tell as she was speaking how much she genuinely loved the language. Yet for the past four weeks, she has continually spoken to me in Spanish. Because she knows how important it is for me to learn, and speak with native speakers.

When was the last time you befriended the new kid? I honestly couldn't tell you the last time that I did. And now being in that position, I understand. I understand how hard the first day is, how hard everyday is. Because after a few weeks, even when you still feel new, you start to become part of the crowd. Well, I immediately became part of the class. From the beginning, I felt completely integrated. And I might always be "La Americana", but at least I am that American... with friends.

I guess I realized that you can create friendships no matter where you are, no matter what language you speak, and it isn't that hard. It simply takes a "how are you doing today?" or a "I'll see you tomorrow." And my new friends and family have done so much more than that. I no longer look forward to seeing my friends pictures from the weekend on Facebook, or hearing the latest Alexandria gossip. I no longer feel like I'm missing out on life, because look at what I have right in front of me. I am living my dream, and while I'm at it I am surrounded by people that care about me.

Today I realized that when I think of home, I think of Valladolid.

Halloween Weekend

I woke up Wednesday morning, went through my usual routine, and it wasn't until I was half way to school on the bus when I realized it was Halloween.

It was Halloween, and I was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. 

To cheer me up I started to draw a pumpkin with "Happy Halloween!" across the top of my page, and I was finished before the beginning of second period. My classmates saw my stupid drawing and started asking me questions about Halloween in the US, and as a result they started to tell me about Halloween in Spain. First of all, I am really glad they did because the outfit I had planned for the night, was not at all appropriate. I was going for the typical lazy American girl costume when I chose to be a cat. All black with ears. Easy. Apparently everyone in Spain goes for the scary costumes, a tradition that the youth of America for the most part let slip. I can't remember one Halloween where I was actually something scary. Lets see... Mermaid, Rock star, Rock star, Rock star, Rock star, Avril Lavigne, Tooth fairy, Chicken Burrito, and a Devil. That just about sums up the past nine Halloweens. 

So I got home, then Paige and I went out and got some vampire teeth and fake blood. After Paige applied the blood to my face, we were both thinking "We definitely put too much on", so of course Paige didn't put on any at all. Then we went out to the center to meet some of my friends from class, and we realized we were so out of place. 98% of Valladolid was completely covered in fake blood, scars, masks, etc. It was unbelievable. 

Sandra and I

Then on Thursday, there was the AFS Halloween party. It was exactly what I needed... some pumpkin carving, homemade pizzas, and a night with my best friends. It was only the students and volunteers from the Castilla chapter, but we had a great time! Then we all got our makeup done by Jimena (Paige's liaison), and went down to the center. This time it was the complete opposite, I guess we got a little to excited and in the midst of it all, we forgot that it was Thursday... not Halloween. But we live in Spain, where the fiesta never ends... so it wasn't a big deal. 

Esther and I 

Jimena, Utku, and Esther

ESTHER, you go girl!

Pumpkin carving!!!

A for Effort?

The group!

Manuel, Diego, Me, Lani, Esther, Luca, Paige, Utku, and Irene

And at the end of Sunday, after a four day break, I had a realization. I realized that my life here will not always be exactly similar to my life in America. But that is completely okay, I didn't choose Spain because it was America across the ocean. I chose Spain because of the culture, because of the language, because in reality it is so much different. I came to learn a new culture, language, and country, one that is no better or worse than my own, just different.

Lani, Paige, Me, and Esther

In the end, Halloween weekend may have just ended up being my best weekend here. 

Conectando Vidas, Compartiendo Culturas

I have been staring at this blank blogger page for the past week and a half. I guess it is true what they say about blogging, it only gets harder and harder as the time goes on. But that is no excuse, because I know in the end I will be so glad that I will be able to look back on all of these great moments.

Now for one of my many highlights of October, the AFS orientation.

Almost all of the girls! (From Iceland, Germany, California,
Pennsylvania, Ohio, Delaware, Hungary,
Switzerland, Denmark, France, China, and more!)

I wish I could get across the extent of what a great weekend it was, but it was beyond anything that I could ever express in a blog post. Sitting at a dinner table with friends from all over the world, all with the same mentality, the same final goal in mind, it was incredible. We all were there to learn a new culture, to experience new things. And while we all came from different countries, different lifestyles, we are all united. And that bond will last forever. We are all sacrificing so much to be where we are, and everyday while every moment is so worth it, every moment is a struggle. And to know that I have 90 other people who understand exactly what I'm going through, people that will be there for me from the beginning to the end. That gives me all the hope and willingness to persevere. 

Esther and Paige finishing of my goldfish on the train

The four Valladolid kids (Paige, Esther, Clement, and I) boarded the train around 6, and were in Ponferrada by 10. We were picked up at the train station by a volunteer and taken to the camp site. It was a closed off site with about twenty cabins. When the Valladolid kids finally got settled in, we went in search of our friends from surrounding cities and provinces. This orientation was for the kids in Asturias, Galicia, and Castilla y Leon. We swung a door open to find all 30 of our friends crammed in one room talking and listening to music. That was such a great moment, the friends we had left at the train station just two short months before, were now sitting right in front of us. I was latched on to Amy for at least 20 minutes, oh how I missed these people! And of course since we had to catch up with every single person there, we didn't end up going to sleep until 5am. 

Luca (Hungarian) and I

Milena, Lani, Paige, Esther, Luca, and I

Clement (Belgian) and I

We were woken up around 9, and we all headed to breakfast. Of course every meal that was prepared was delicious... because we are in Spain! After that we did a series of activities that would help us evaluate our individual experiences thus far. We drew our own emotional curve, and I was surprised that once I had thought about it, my lowest points had been in the beginning, and I was now on an extreme up rise! Then there was another activity where we had a few sentence starters (ex. I want..., I need..., I hope...) and we had to finish them. Here are a few examples of my final sentences.

I want... JAMON (Ham).

I need... to stop skyping my family and friends so much.

I hope... I will be fluent in Spanish by the end.

Martha and I writing our letters

And then after another very late night, we woke up Sunday morning for one last activity. An activity where we had to write a letter to our future selves, one that we will receive at the end of our ten months. I began my letter (Dear Megg...) and after that I just stared at the blank page for a while. How do you even begin to explain what you've been through, what you hope everything turns out to be like, and how you think you will be effected as a person in the end. For me, that was the hardest part of the entire weekend. I guess you can say I'm scared. Scared of the future, I guess we all are. But to know that my new self, a better version of myself awaits, and will be found within the next eight months. It is all exciting, terrifying, and overall just emotional. In the end, I sealed the envelope with a textbook inside. once I started writing, I couldn't stop!

I guess the future awaits for all of us. Time goes on for all of us. We just have to remember to take advantage of the time we have in the present, to make sure that the future becomes all that we've hoped it will be. 

And enjoying the present is exactly what we did that weekend, I love my AFS friends from all around the world, individually they have each taught me so much, and as a whole they have helped me get through the hardest of times. Because "connecting lives by sharing cultures" is what AFS stands for.

my sassy best friends, love you guys!

I got to see Aitor again, miss you already!