Love

Love, I've heard it's the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. I believe love is what keeps us going, what keeps our heads up, it's the reason we wake up in the morning, its the reason why falling asleep can be so challenging. Love is what makes us who we are, it helps in defining us. Love is sacrifice, love makes the sacrifices, well not really sacrifices. And love is complicated, love is getting through the challenges and making the good times completely worthwhile.

My host mom, Marta, asked me seriously one day, "If you could go back to America once or twice a year to visit your family, would you stay in Spain forever?" Of course I would. 

First of all, Applying for these ten months abroad is by far the best decision I have ever made. I am not always the most responsible person, nor do I always make the right choices. There have been a lot of times in my life that now looking back, all i can do is think "What the hell was I doing?". And I'm not saying by the end of this, I am going to be the perfect sixteen year old student, daughter, friend, or person. But I know that after this experience, I will be more of the person that I strive so hard to be, and truly that is all I can hope for. Knowing that after this, I can look back proudly and say "Yes, I did that".

Since I've been in Spain I have found that the easiest part of my day is waking up. To wake in Spain, everyday for ten months. I don't know if anyone in the world could say that they were luckier. Everyday I get to experience new things, whether it be new words, new people, new foods, or a new culture. I get to look back on everyday and know that something has been accomplished. And maybe that is why falling asleep has become one of the hardest parts. It is only for a few hours, but saying goodnight to everything my world currently has to offer, it seems impossible. 

Spain has shaped me to be who I am, and it will for the rest of my life. This experience is forty percent over, but six months from now when I'm walking off that plane, that is when this will truly all begin. It will be less of what I did that year, and more of what I took away from it. It isn't about all of the cities I had traveled too, or even about all of the friends that I had made. It will be about the lessons that I learned, and how I implemented them into my normal life. Even though I wish I could live in Spain forever, my life is in Virginia, my senior year still awaits upon my arrival six months from now. I live in Virginia, but there will always be a home for Spain in my heart. Because not only has Spain defined me, but it will inspire me everyday for the rest of my life. What I feel everyday, is what I hope my days continue to be like for the rest of my life. These past four months have made me realize why living every day like it was your last is so important. 

To be sitting here in Valladolid, I sacrificed one of my last years at home with my family, I'm missing out on my sisters first year in high school, I've lost my chance at improving in each of my sports, I have possibly sacrificed my ability to graduate on time, I left my best friends not knowing what the future holds in each relationship, I threw my self into something ridiculous, that not many will ever understand, but I did it because it was right for me. No one will gain as much from the experience, as I will. The sacrifices, are exactly what they are, sacrifices. But no one told me I had to put any of that on the line, I could have just as easily spent my year in Virginia, excelling at Rugby, Cheerleading, and Field Hockey, sitting in the same booth at lunch with my best friends week after week, and ultimately I could have had a great normal high school experience. But I craved more, I craved different, and what I got was a thousand times better. To be sitting here in Valladolid, is to be living my dream. And when your living your dream, the sacrifices mean absolutely nothing.

Now the most important, but by far the hardest part of loving is letting go. Letting go of what may be the best thing in your life, what may define you, what you may have sacrificed everything for, that is the true challenge of love. If you haven't already realized I am not talking about love between two people, but between me and my love for Spain. At the end of ten months, I will be forced to let go of it all, and return back to my reality. The past four months, I have found myself completely inspired, willing to step out of my comfort zone, encounter love in a new family, new friends, a new language, and well it took me sixteen years to finally start becoming me. The change of scenery helped, but soon I will be going back to where I came from, letting it all go, and by no means does that say that I have to let myself go. It doesn't mean I have to lose everything that I have gained. Truthfully, I am terrified to return, knowing nothing will be the same, because I won't be the same. I hope more than anything that when the suitcases are packed, and the goodbyes have been said that I end up bringing this new version of myself home with me.

So here's to a new year, a new love, and a new Megg. 

Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year! 

Awkward

Sometimes the word awkward seems to just sum up my life here in Spain. Because being an exchange student means my life is just full of embarrassing, and hilarious moments, and It's become inevitable. I've learned that the best way to handle it all is to just embrace it.

That awkward moment when...

you fall down the stairs on your third day of school, in front of everyone.

the Spaniards here know more about America then you do.

everyone thinks your life is straight out of high school musical. wait, it is.

you realize spanish food is not mexican food, and no one here knows what a quesadilla is.

you walk in a strike, chanting and such, with absolutely no clue what they are actually protesting.

if you don't work hard in gym... you're weird. i feel like I'm training for the olympics in gym class.

your english teacher is wrong.

I help the kid next to me with english homework, and he teaches me bad words in Spanish.

the coolest app in spain right now is a piece of poop that eats, sleeps, and dies. 

you think dog shampoo... is human shampoo. and you use it. 

But at the same time, there have been extremely rewarding moments, that help me stay sane after a few million awkward ones.

like as the holiday season is beginning, I'm starting to realize that it isn't the actual holidays that I always loved so much. It was the company of friends and family that always made it so special.

For example, I sat at the table for lunch on thanksgiving, eating my food sadly. You know like stabbing your food and then biting it really loudly, I was definitely making a scene. And after an extremely regular Thursday at school, I was almost over the edge. And to make it even worse, I had english class that day. My teacher, Ana, was explaining the importance of Thanksgiving. That to me, It is more than a time to get together and eat, It's a holiday centered around family, and how being away from mine on a day like this must be especially difficult. Well, as I was dramatically eating my peas, my sister turns to my mom and goes "Megg is really sad today, because she won't be able to spend Thanksgiving at home with her family." In that moment, the tears start to fall. My sisters hug me, and my mom holds my hand. She promises me that she will find a turkey somewhere in Valladolid, and we will celebrate the way I normally do. I completely appreciated that, and it sounded perfect, until a minute later when I realized I couldn't remember any of the foods that we normally eat at Thanksgiving, and I definitely didn't know how to cook a turkey. It wasn't about recreating the traditions though, or even about eating a turkey. It was about family. Spending one day, one meal with the people you love, and just reflecting on all of the things in your life you have to be thankful for. 

Or the moment when I realized that there is more to life than America. I love America, and I am so proud to be from such a great country. But a lot of times we forget about the world around us. Yes, English is known worldwide, but that doesn't mean we can't learn a few extra languages. I was so surprised when I first arrived in Spain. They know all the words to all the popular American songs, and even all the famous actors in all the American movies. Also, when someone notices I'm from America, more times than not, they come up to me and introduce themselves, sometimes even in English. When I first got here, I didn't know any Spanish songs, nor any Spanish movies. And in America, if I hear someone speaking another language, it almost gives me more reason not to go up to them. And people here know whats going on in America. They are aware of the world, something I can say that I was not when I arrived. I didn't even watch the news. Now when I hear that something is happening in this or that part of the world, it has more significance to me. I might know someone who lives there, and overall I have a care for the world that three months ago did not exist. There is more to the world than America, so much more. 

Then there was the day when a friend said "Sometimes I forget I'm talking to an American, I just think of you as another Spaniard." Probably the compliment of the century. I know she was exaggerating, obviously I am not a Spaniard, nor will I ever be one. But to know that I am getting closer and closer everyday, closer to my final goal of speaking fluently, or to know that people are noticing that I actually am learning, I feel accomplished. It makes the sacrifices I made, worth it. More than worth it, it makes them disappear. Because I can tell you that I want to be fluent in Spanish way more than I want to be home. It's hard to track your language skills, because it isn't like you take a test every night before you go to bed. It's just a process, and the little compliments let's me know I'm on the right track! 

I am thankful for the awkward moments, along with the fulfilling moments. Getting through the uncomfortable times have led me to the rewarding ones, and they've helped me grow along the way. I'm thankful for the people that have helped me through the past three months, and the people that have helped me for the past sixteen years. I'm thankful for the country I'm from, and the new country that I've grown to love. More than anything I'm thankful to be where I am, and thankful for the place and people I will come home to in seven months.

Feliz Dia de Accion de Gracias!

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all (sorry it's a little late!)