My host mom, Marta, asked me seriously one day, "If you could go back to America once or twice a year to visit your family, would you stay in Spain forever?" Of course I would.
First of all, Applying for these ten months abroad is by far the best decision I have ever made. I am not always the most responsible person, nor do I always make the right choices. There have been a lot of times in my life that now looking back, all i can do is think "What the hell was I doing?". And I'm not saying by the end of this, I am going to be the perfect sixteen year old student, daughter, friend, or person. But I know that after this experience, I will be more of the person that I strive so hard to be, and truly that is all I can hope for. Knowing that after this, I can look back proudly and say "Yes, I did that".
Since I've been in Spain I have found that the easiest part of my day is waking up. To wake in Spain, everyday for ten months. I don't know if anyone in the world could say that they were luckier. Everyday I get to experience new things, whether it be new words, new people, new foods, or a new culture. I get to look back on everyday and know that something has been accomplished. And maybe that is why falling asleep has become one of the hardest parts. It is only for a few hours, but saying goodnight to everything my world currently has to offer, it seems impossible.
Spain has shaped me to be who I am, and it will for the rest of my life. This experience is forty percent over, but six months from now when I'm walking off that plane, that is when this will truly all begin. It will be less of what I did that year, and more of what I took away from it. It isn't about all of the cities I had traveled too, or even about all of the friends that I had made. It will be about the lessons that I learned, and how I implemented them into my normal life. Even though I wish I could live in Spain forever, my life is in Virginia, my senior year still awaits upon my arrival six months from now. I live in Virginia, but there will always be a home for Spain in my heart. Because not only has Spain defined me, but it will inspire me everyday for the rest of my life. What I feel everyday, is what I hope my days continue to be like for the rest of my life. These past four months have made me realize why living every day like it was your last is so important.
To be sitting here in Valladolid, I sacrificed one of my last years at home with my family, I'm missing out on my sisters first year in high school, I've lost my chance at improving in each of my sports, I have possibly sacrificed my ability to graduate on time, I left my best friends not knowing what the future holds in each relationship, I threw my self into something ridiculous, that not many will ever understand, but I did it because it was right for me. No one will gain as much from the experience, as I will. The sacrifices, are exactly what they are, sacrifices. But no one told me I had to put any of that on the line, I could have just as easily spent my year in Virginia, excelling at Rugby, Cheerleading, and Field Hockey, sitting in the same booth at lunch with my best friends week after week, and ultimately I could have had a great normal high school experience. But I craved more, I craved different, and what I got was a thousand times better. To be sitting here in Valladolid, is to be living my dream. And when your living your dream, the sacrifices mean absolutely nothing.
Now the most important, but by far the hardest part of loving is letting go. Letting go of what may be the best thing in your life, what may define you, what you may have sacrificed everything for, that is the true challenge of love. If you haven't already realized I am not talking about love between two people, but between me and my love for Spain. At the end of ten months, I will be forced to let go of it all, and return back to my reality. The past four months, I have found myself completely inspired, willing to step out of my comfort zone, encounter love in a new family, new friends, a new language, and well it took me sixteen years to finally start becoming me. The change of scenery helped, but soon I will be going back to where I came from, letting it all go, and by no means does that say that I have to let myself go. It doesn't mean I have to lose everything that I have gained. Truthfully, I am terrified to return, knowing nothing will be the same, because I won't be the same. I hope more than anything that when the suitcases are packed, and the goodbyes have been said that I end up bringing this new version of myself home with me.
So here's to a new year, a new love, and a new Megg.
Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!
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